Such a shame

On you

I haven’t heard from anyone
Not a visit nor a phone call

I can tell from years of silence
No one cares about me at all

What happened to communities
When people looked after the weak

They took in food for those unwell
Instead of treating them like freaks

Hey! At last! Nice of you to come
And there’s my family ahead!

Sorry if I’m a little numb
See, that’s what happens when you’re dead

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At Jewish New Year

Shana Tova

 

So you’ve made a honey cake, or got one from the deli
And you’re set for two days without mobiles or the telly

It’s the one time of the year when shul is the place to be
Though people tend to blether despite all the Rabbi’s pleas

You crowd in for the shofar, a sound that makes you wonder
How he holds his breath that long and never makes a blunder

The women are all so smart in their new Yom Tov attire
Thanks to them the local rate of commerce got much higher

But what is the importance of these High Holidays
It’s food, of course, isn’t it, that’s what it’s about always

Apple and honey, round Challot and bread to throw away?
No, actually, it’s food for thought, that’s how we pass these days

High Anxiety

A mum’s view

 

Sometimes he thinks it would be easier if he were dead
No more OCD, anxiety, no more dread
Imagine being too scared to open your own front door
So many times he cries, ‘I can’t take it any more’
Thoughts keep him up all night, in the day he stays in bed
No school, no job, no going out, living in his head
It all comes down to worrying ‘What if I am sick’
Can’t say the word though, calls it ‘ill’ using a mind trick
He limits himself to four ‘safe’ foods in tiny bites
So tired and weak from all the mental battles he fights
His heart races all the time; panic rising so high
My poor boy suffers alone, as others’ lives go by

Sympathy

After a bereavement

 

We can’t stop your tears from falling
But we’ll pass the tissues you need

We can’t know what you are feeling
But please know that we’re taking heed

We don’t always know what to say
But we’re still thinking of your loss

We may bring food for you to eat
But tell us if it makes you cross

We’re not sure how long you will grieve
But we’re there as long as it takes

We don’t know if you want to talk
But we’ll listen to your heartaches

We hope you’ll learn to bear your pain
But we’ll always be there for you

We’re so sad that your baby died
But know your strength will pull you through

Tell your friend

You’re the best

 

You’re pleased if I have some success
You calm me if I’m under stress

You never judge the things I do
You’ll shop with me for hours for shoes

You and I can laugh until we cry
You’d never let my secrets fly

You wouldn’t ever be unkind
You let me rant and never mind

You’re loyal and stick up for me
You know if I need a hug and tea

You stick around when things get tough
You’ve seen me looking really rough

You’re always, always there for me
The greatest friend that there could be

Good Advice

Or Bad Influence

 

Work really hard at school so you get a good career
(Though leaving early didn’t hurt Diaz, Depp or Gere)

Settle down with a sensible man when you get wed
(Or maybe choose one who’s gorgeous, fun and good in bed)

Don’t be a bridezilla and spend a whole wad of cash
(Still, shouldn’t your Big Day be a monumental bash?)

Please don’t go rushing into having a little one
(Mind you, it’s easier the younger you get it done)

Never spend a load of money that you haven’t got
(Though you can’t take it with you and banks do have a lot)

Be kind and generous and friendly to all around
(Then again don’t forget that others will let you down)

So I’ve covered everything and now you know the score
I’ll be here for advice if you think you need some more

To dad

On my wedding day

So here we are on my big day
When, dad, you will ‘give me away’
I’m so happy to be a bride
And glad you’ll be there by my side

Just as you have all through my life
From a baby to soon a wife
You’ve always been my biggest fan
And great example of a man

As a dad you have been the best
Today I will be doubly blessed
Thanks for your love, for everything
I marry my Prince but you’re the King

Cats are magic

For cat lovers:

 

You like the way they look at you
With their long stares into your eyes
You love the way they snuggle in
And couldn’t get closer if they tried

You laugh how they chase their shadow
Or a torch light around the wall
You’re stunned how they squeeze through a space
Yet can stretch themselves up so tall

You’re calmed and soothed by stroking them
Their fur so velvety and soft
You’re charmed by how they jump so high
Then look down haughty from aloft

You don’t mind when they tread on you
To find the right spot on your lap
You are happy to hear them purr
So contented before a nap

You admire how they clean themselves
Better than any yoga pro
You accept their food fussiness
And how they like to come and go

You’re used to hairs on everything
And the scratched furniture as well
They knock things over then walk out
Cats. Your cat. You’re under the spell

On Father’s Day

For one lucky dad:

 

It’s about time that I told you
I’m just so glad you are my dad
I’m proud to say it publicly
And there’s more that I want to add

You’ve always been there, on my side
I never felt I was alone
When life was treating me badly
Or I needed a little moan

I have so much respect for you
You taught me all I need to know
That love and kindness are a strength
To never let my daydreams go

And to work hard for what I want
To stand up for all I believe
To not forget that life is short
To kiss goodbye before we leave

I love you dad and always will
And I know that you love me too
For all you are and all you’ve done
I have to say, dad thank you

To my bride

Requested by a romantic groom:

I thought you looked gruesome when we first met
It certainly wasn’t love at first sight
I was a soldier and you were a bear
It was a fancy dress party that night

You saw me and I caught you as you swooned
Ok, you fainted as you got too hot
But I did fetch you a glass of water
Then stayed by your side and talked quite a lot

We’ve hardly been apart ever since then
And when you’re not there, I’m thinking of you
I don’t have to ask ‘am I in love?’
There’s no doubt that what I’m feeling is true

I just adore everything about you
You are my best friend, my lover, my life
I don’t want to be with anyone else
I’m so happy today you’ll be my wife

It’s all fake

About the pressure on women, mostly, to look good…

‘Oh no! I’ve got some wrinkles’
‘That’s not a problem now
A little bit of Botox
But no movement of your brow’

‘I can’t move my eyebrows?’
‘No you can’t be surprised
But you’ll look smooth and young
And these days that’s what’s prized’

‘Oh no! my boobs are sagging’
‘Three kids and all breastfed?
Don’t you be worrying
You’ll get nipples to point ahead’

‘Isn’t it expensive?’
‘Never mind, you can pay it up
But it’s worth it, don’t you think
Droopy boobs to a full G cup?’

Aagh! My teeth are yellow’
‘And chipped a little too
And I see silver fillings
There’s a lot you need to do’

‘Is it really worth it?’
‘Are you mad, my dear, of course
Unless you want to be put out
Like a knackered old race horse’

My husband wouldn’t do that’
‘But look at your thinning hair
It makes you look much older
Six hours in the swivel chair’

‘But what takes that much time?’
‘Extensions! They’re everywhere
There’s nobody on TV
Who still has natural hair”

‘Wow! I can’t believe the difference’
‘Yes but before you say amen
You should lose at least two stones
Size four is the new size ten’

‘But I couldn’t give up chocolate’
‘Don’t you worry about that
The personal trainer/dietician
Will make sure you’re never fat’

‘Oh no! My husband’s left me’
‘Well he can’t have been very nice
Now you’re really amazing
Before men didn’t look twice’

He says I look like Barbie
I’m not the women he knew
And now I owe thousands
I don’t know what to do.

Everyone’s so perfect
In magazines and on TV
I should have thanked Mother Nature
For making me like me.’

As it’s ME Awareness Week…

It’s a living hell

I’m lazy they say
It’s all in the mind
It’s just that I’m not really trying
I’d like to get up
I’d like to go out
I’m too tired to even be crying

It takes all my strength
To get to the loo
Although they think I should be at school
To get some fresh air
To still have a friend
Wouldn’t that make my life just so cool

If I go downstairs
Or even get washed
These are times when I’ve really done well
I pay for it though
The following day
When my muscles and bones ache like hell

Yes I look ok
I talk, even laugh
But with this illness, symptoms aren’t seen
My mind is just mush
Words come out all wrong
I’m nothing. Just a broken machine

It’s been four years now
I’m sixteen you know
All you go through in that time has gone
The doctor told me
There’s no cure for this
There’s a chance it’ll go on and on…

If you have ME
Then your suffering
Is the same size as dying of AIDS
Except that for me
It won’t end in death
I could feel just as bad for decades

Thank you Mr Osborne

It’s alright for the privileged few…

 

I’m alright Jack. It’s all about me
Out of work? Lazy! Don’t you agree?

Benefit sanctions are working well
So a few kill themselves. What the hell.

Less pressure then on the NHS
Costs down and targets met, that’s success

Found dead. Ex-squaddie. Diabetic.
No food to eat and no electrics

Couldn’t store insulin in the fridge
We didn’t study that at Oxbridge

To be disabled – what does it mean?
Only no arms nor legs to be seen

Everyone else is trying it on
Test them with PIPS and you’ll see they’re cons

We shouldn’t pay tax to help such scum
We must stay rich, keep all our income

No, I’ve never been down on my luck
In any case, I don’t give a fuck

Happy Mother’s Day

But…

We thought this year instead of cards
We’d frame the role in which you’ve starred
That is of course as a mother
A tougher job than any other

You juggled work as well somehow
We don’t know how you did it now
You never missed a play at school
And even learned the offside rule

We made your life hell in our teens
And yet you always stayed serene
You got us over all upsets
Proved life was best with no regrets

You taught us not to lose our rag
To be polite and not to brag
The adults that we have become
Is down to you, our lovely mum

We just have one complaint to make
And that’s our names, for heaven’s sake
Wayne and Jo with the surname King
What in the world were you thinking?

Be prepared

For anything

You never know what’s round the corner
You could be a winner; you might be a mourner

Just when life couldn’t be much better
Well that’s when you get a redundancy letter

You think you’ll always be on your own
Then love suddenly blossoms with someone you’ve known

Don’t believe me? I can’t say I care
As I know that change can come out of nowhere

I once was a healthy, working mum
Then like a house with subsidence my spine turned to crumbs

What’s certain in life isn’t that strange
We’re born and we die, and in the meantime there’s change