Congratulations – you passed!

For a mother who wanted to surprise her daughter…

I felt for your instructor
And hoped he had nerves of steel
It seemed no time since you were starting to walk
That you were learning to drive was unreal

You drove off and up the road
Jerking and rev ving loudly
I put my head in my hands
Not a mum watching her daughter proudly

You came back an hour later
The instructor shaken and white
‘I think it might really help
if she knew her left from her right.’

Maybe he was short of business
But he came back every week
‘Now we just need to practise
what’s called the turning technique’

I think he meant the wheel
You weren’t ready for a three point turn
Apparently you still had
‘Rather a lot to learn’

To give you some more practice
Dad said he’d take you out
He joked it was like the dodgems
And earned himself a clout

You proved you could do an emergency stop
When you had that ‘concentration lapse’
The pedestrian was fine, thank goodness
But the wall all but collapsed

You passed the written test
As you knew the manual by heart
But then came the actual driving
That was the difficult part

Now I am a proud mum
Of course you passed first go
But please don’t ask to borrow my car
The answer will be no.

You worked and saved so hard
But could only afford anti freeze
So we’ve got you an old run around
Here, darling, a set of keys.