It’s all fake

About the pressure on women, mostly, to look good…

‘Oh no! I’ve got some wrinkles’
‘That’s not a problem now
A little bit of Botox
But no movement of your brow’

‘I can’t move my eyebrows?’
‘No you can’t be surprised
But you’ll look smooth and young
And these days that’s what’s prized’

‘Oh no! my boobs are sagging’
‘Three kids and all breastfed?
Don’t you be worrying
You’ll get nipples to point ahead’

‘Isn’t it expensive?’
‘Never mind, you can pay it up
But it’s worth it, don’t you think
Droopy boobs to a full G cup?’

Aagh! My teeth are yellow’
‘And chipped a little too
And I see silver fillings
There’s a lot you need to do’

‘Is it really worth it?’
‘Are you mad, my dear, of course
Unless you want to be put out
Like a knackered old race horse’

My husband wouldn’t do that’
‘But look at your thinning hair
It makes you look much older
Six hours in the swivel chair’

‘But what takes that much time?’
‘Extensions! They’re everywhere
There’s nobody on TV
Who still has natural hair”

‘Wow! I can’t believe the difference’
‘Yes but before you say amen
You should lose at least two stones
Size four is the new size ten’

‘But I couldn’t give up chocolate’
‘Don’t you worry about that
The personal trainer/dietician
Will make sure you’re never fat’

‘Oh no! My husband’s left me’
‘Well he can’t have been very nice
Now you’re really amazing
Before men didn’t look twice’

He says I look like Barbie
I’m not the women he knew
And now I owe thousands
I don’t know what to do.

Everyone’s so perfect
In magazines and on TV
I should have thanked Mother Nature
For making me like me.’